‘Apocryphal Declaration’ rocks America
Citizens of the remaining States of the Union of Gettysburg may have “unalienable rights” to life and happiness, according to controversial declassified documents.
The papers, discovered by a chimneysweep at the Cheney Library of Constitutional Studies, suggest that the Union’s founders were at odds with the ruling Latter Day Church of Obamination.
“All men are created equal,” says the collection’s principal manuscript, a draft entitled “Declaration of Independence.”
Although it resembles an artifact that was already widely cited by historians, one significant difference has touched off a debate more polarised than any since the Republic’s last president came out as an atheist Bible-basher.
The text refers to a “necessity” for Post-Americans to “alter their former Systems of Government” because of “a long train of abuses and usurpations.”
Scholars say this message contradicts the Church’s Obama Doctrine of pre-emptive pacification. Instead of preaching faith in His power to lead the world to Freedom, it asserts that all citizens are “endowed by their Creator” with a right to “the pursuit of liberty.”
This line in particular has sparked fierce debate among delegates to the Post-National American Congress (PNAC).
Some want the principle to be canonised, alongside other founding values like enslavement. Others dispute its heritage, citing the elder Reverend Clinton’s view that the papers are “apocryphal and borderline Satanic.”
A person familiar with the Cheney Library’s thinking dismissed the draft Declaration as “quaint”, and said it had been written “on hemp”.
INCITEMENT?
‘…it is their right, it is their duty to throw off such Government…’
Declaration of Independence
