Green New Deal sparks up debate
Gaunt Fauntleroy, the opposition’s social justice spokesman, has hit back at critics of his Green New Deal for “the feral, the feckless and the long-term useless.”
Under the proposal, serial benefit fraudsters would be eligible for state-run trials of psychoactive compounds, in return for a 35-hour weekly training commitment.
Participants would be assigned to regional alternative energy projects, where massed banks of velocipede transformers could provide an estimated five per cent of household power needs.
“The government’s short-sighted policies are to blame for today’s Brown-outs,” Mr Fauntleroy told reporters on a visit to a Vietnamese-run start-up in Warrington, which could produce up to 10 per cent of the scheme’s feedstock.
“We need to use every available source of renewable energy,” he said. “This country has an abundant supply of underexploited dope-smokers.”
Opponents of the plan fear its use of unlicensed genetically modified seeds could contaminate existing crop strains.
“Today’s skunk cannabis is already 15 times as strong as what my generation was exposed to,” warned Jacquie Hashley, the Culture Commissar. “There’s no telling what side-effects these new plants could induce.”
Civil liberties campaigners say all drugs should be legalised anyway, to break cartel strangleholds. Instead, they object to the plan’s “forced labour” component.
“This is the politics of the Panopticon,” said Chakra Charming, of the pressure group Mind Less.
“It’s outrageous to set a minimum mileage – most people will have to pedal for most of their waking hours.”
Mr Fauntleroy calls this a “fringe benefit” of his programme. “The whole point of the Green New Deal is to get social leeches off the streets,” he said.
“If they want to get wrecked, that’s fine by me, but they’ve got to give something back.”
