SATAN wins no-bid heroin contract
The Supreme Alliance of Tribal Area Nation-States (SATAN) has won exclusive rights to supply British junkies with heroin.
Under a government-backed pilot project, for which only SATAN’s tender submission was considered, surplus poppy production will be imported to treat chronic addicts at cut-price rates.
Although the scheme doesn’t formally legalise opiates, it prescribes them long-term to the needy.
“We’re aiming at people for whom everything else has failed,” said Veliu Fazli, the British government’s Albanian-born Drugs Tsar.
“It would be far more irresponsible to let them die.”
SATAN, which groups the failed states of Afghanistan and West Pakistan, produces all but five per cent of the world’s heroin.
Since Russia deposed the Taliban, the bloc has been a satellite of New Persia, the world’s biggest producer of oil and gas.
